The Bad Tooth Fairy

An Ode to bad teeth.

Young Bobby Muggins,
For so it’s been said,
Worried his mother dearly,
and filled her with dread.

With his teeth blackened stumps,
And his gums sore and red,
She fretted too often,
He’d soon wind up dead.

“If you don’t brush those teeth.”
She once told him loudly,
“The Bad Tooth Fairy will come,
And make you pay dearly.”

“Late in the night,
As you sleep in your bed,
He’ll creep in your room
And then crawl up to your head.”

“With pliers and a hammer,
And a saw for good measure,
He’ll hack at your teeth,
To get at his treasure.”

“He’ll pull at your molars,
and rip at your gums,
You’ll be screaming sweet mercy,
but no one will come.”

Bobby then scoffed,
“Just what would you know?”
“You’re old, and you’re stupid,
you crazy old crow.”

So bad Bobby Muggins,
ignored what she said,
and he strolled past his toothbrush,
and wait straight up to bed.

But sure as was warned,
And during the night,
A visitor did visit,
In the cold moonlit light.

When Bobby’s dear mother,
Walked in the next day,
She cried out a scream,
A wail of dismay.

For there in the room,
In the warm morning light,
was a sight most unpleasent,
That gave her the fright.

For there upon the pillow,
was a new set of teeth,
but this wasn’t something,
that brought her much relief.

You see, also in the room,
lying there upon the bed,
was poor Bobby Muggins,
now missing his head.,

So, the moral of this story,
if it wasn’t clear enough already,
is to scrub at your molars
and make sure you brush them twice daily.

Written by Augustus Babbington